This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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