He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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