I smell stomach acid.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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