this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
