He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
