Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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