I will die if light touches me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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