My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize