My Higher Power is John Stamos
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize