Too much gin, very little bucket
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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