Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
