I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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