Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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