M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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