3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
