I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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