I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
