i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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