Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
