she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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