Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
