i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
