The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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