New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
