I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
