Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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