i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
