she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
