ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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