he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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