R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
