if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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