Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
