Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You ruined the universe
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
