we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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