Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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