My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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