u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
