Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
