am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
