member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
