goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
