we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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