This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
