My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
