Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
