how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize