Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
