Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
