Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
