I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
