my mouth tastes like poor choices
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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