Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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