a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
