Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
