Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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