I want to stick my p in your. b.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You may now shotgun with the bride
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
