after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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