My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
