the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
