Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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