The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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