I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
