So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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