i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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