just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize