I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this just has baby written all over it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
