the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize