totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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