i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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