Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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