I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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