Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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