Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize