Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
