Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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