U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
