the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
