he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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