We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I will pee on everything he values.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
